Jaslyn Go’s Blog

28th January 2010 was a special day to me.

This was the day when the TBT trial finally came to the end.  Prosecution and defendants have both closed their cases and what is left is submission from both sides which is due on 25th February 2010, and judgment will be on 8th March 2010.

I am so proud of myself for having the perseverance to stay on the trial till the end despite the objections, ‘threats’, and the lack of support from family and some of my close friends.

I am so proud that I have overcome this trial without any legal counsel to represent me and having to do my own cross-examination which was daunting for me as this was the first time I was charged in court.

I am also proud that despite having E-Jay and Ti Lik leaving the trial, I am able to hold my own fort and persevere till the end.   My persistence has surprised many of our activist friends and it is always interesting to have them come up to me to tell me how I shocked them.

Martyn once told me that unlike others who start from beginner to intermediate, mine was a straight jump to intermediate.  How true.  Unlike many who are still struggling to overcome their fears, I was forced to address my fear when I was first faced with the police investigations and thereafter the charge. The long drawn trial was really a challenge, not just because of having to sit through the trial, but having to juggle sending and picking up my kids from school.

I remember someone once told Dr Chee that this TBT trial is a good way to sieve out the leaders from the followers. At that time, I was rather offended by this statement because my good buddy E-Jay has chosen to plead guilty at the very start of the trial which I empathize with, and to me, E-Jay has every quality to be a leader.

However, on hindsight, I came to realize that it does hold certain truth in it.  It does not mean that those who stay on are definitely of leaders’ quality, but I know real leaders will be able to withstand the test of time and will never be a quitter despite the adversity faced.  To this, I give my utmost respect to Dr Chee, Gandhi, Siok Chin, John and Jufrie Mahmood who have been through many more trials than us, but have never given up. These are the leaders who when they called upon me, I will willingly follow.

Come 8th March 2010, I will face with the possibility of a a hefty fine which is taxing for a mother of 2 young children, but this is the price I am prepared to pay for standing up not only for myself, my family but also to my fellow citizens against the rising cost of living in Singapore, standing up to the rights of citizens to speak up for what they believe in, standing against a autocratic government who do not respect our Singapore Constitution and the rights of their citizens.

They can charge me, fine me, but they should not take that right away from me.

As we approach the last tranche of our TBT trial, there are alot of emotions build up for myself and my fellow co-defendants.

It was not easy to come this far, let alone still carrying on in this long and draining trial.

Tranche after tranche our numbers are dwindling due to way our cases are being dealt with.  For eg, Francis was forced to plead guilty as he will be away on 19th Jan 10 and judge insisted the hearing to start on 18 Jan 10.  Sylvester having to plead guilty due to work commitment.

As for myself, my boy, Joe-En has started his Primary One this year, a phase that is important to him as well as for me as a mother.  I have made application to Judge Chia Wee Kiat with the understanding and support from my 10 remaining co-defendants to have the lunch break from 1130 to 1330 so that I could rush home to bring my boy to school.  Thankfully the judge allowed my application without objection from the DPP.

As I struggle everyday to send my girl to school before coming to court and 1130 rushing back home to walk my boy to school which was about 3 bus stops away, then back to court to continue the trial and end of the day rushing to pick both of them up from school at 1700.

During those bus rides be it back home or back to court, many times I was in tears, not only because I feel the aching pain of my legs and feet from the long walk to the bus stop and the walk from my home to my boy school, but also of this predicament  I am in and asking myself whether is it worth doing what I am doing?

This is especially made worse by not having the support from those closest to you.  Despite my desperation for help, I am too proud to ask for one and knowing full well that I will have to go through another round of lecturing  of “I told you so”, “you should have taken my advice and PG much earlier and you won’t end up in this state” blah blah blah.

Not someone who asked or expects favors to be reciprocate, I do appreciate the offer of help from the very same people I used to offer similar help to but am disappointed to realize that the offer of help was  just patronizing with no intention to carry out at all.

I gave thanks to my buddy U-Wen, who was the first to offer to send Joe-En to school for me though he is staying so far away from me.

I gave thanks to my sister – Siok Chin, who, as and when she can, will always try to drop me off at my kids school and always buying lunch for me to munch in court as I always couldn’t make it in time to have lunch.

I gave thanks to Choon Hiong too, whom after knowing my predicament, try to work out a way to help me too.

I gave thanks to John, who became my ‘new’ breakfast buddy after Ti Lik and Sylvester left our TBT trial.

While I gave thanks to my friends who stood by me, though I declined their help as I do not want to impose myself on to others.   I also mourn for a lost of a friendship whom I used to cherish dearly only to find out that in time of need, offer of help was insincere and not meant to be.  I don’t expect favors to be return nor reciprocate, but I am disappointed by how our friendship has come to this point, having to see how one can turn their back on a friend in need.

I see the past 4 days of our trial, how Dr Chee and Gandhi were cuffed and shackled to court, Mrs Gandhi coming to court just to catch a glimpse of Gandhi to make sure he is all right.  and the heart wrenching moments when Mrs Chee and kids came to court to see Dr Chee, I do feel a sense of loneliness of not having the blessing from my family and close friends for my chosen path.

Today as I sat down in court after having most of my cross-examination objected and rejected, I reminded myself that I should not be wallowing in self pity but find ways to face the adversity with my head up.

As I try to strike a balance between my responsibility as a mother and a activist who believe in the work I am doing, I also know that I should not inconvenient others because of my chosen path.

If there is anything I still have, that is perseverance.  Perseverance to continue on this fight even when face with obstacles and desertion from closed ones  who do not share the same ideals as me.

The trial will be coming to an end soon, and as I close this chapter, I know there will be another awaiting to be open.  The experience I learn from this chapter will make me a stronger person to face whatever new challenges that awaits me.

WHAT FAILS TO KILL ME WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER!

Among us F4, I was the least interested in politics..not forgetting, the one with the worse political knowledge.

Kelvin’s political knowledge was the best, which even Ti Lik as a politician takes his hats off to.

E-Jay’s political knowledge came pretty close to Ti Lik’s, and he being a very keen and fast learner, he absorb very fast.

I am the most hopeless among the 4 of us..my mind always drift off when they start to discuss politics or the recent policies, too ‘cheem’ for me as what I always tell them..

Ti Lik and E-Jay were the one who always drag me to attend SGHR and SDP meeting back then..Even though I told them I am not keen, but they always managed to persuade me to join them eventually..

I remember once in a meeting at SDP office..I was day dreaming when suddenly Dr Chee ask..”how about Jaslyn”.. I got stump and didn’t know what Dr Chee was talking about as I have not been paying attention..Ti Lik and E-Jay were laughing and save me the embarrassment further by replying ..”Jas cannot…she is not ready yet”..

I remember during Dr Chee and Siok Chin’s contempt of court trial, I hurriedly walk out from high court as I know hordes of reporters were waiting outside for them and I am not ready to be seen together with them (like many Singaporeans, to be seen with these 2 are a taboo).  I stood a distance away from them as I watched in total disbelief how our reporters were behaving like paparazzi, going after Siok Chin with the video and cameras blocking her path.  That was when I walk up to Siok Chin and put my hand on her shoulder and told her, “how can I let you walk alone, come, let me walk with you”.  The video crew follow us, blocking our path while we were trying to cross the road from High Court to Funan, and we were smiling and laughing about their silly antics.

That footage appeared in the evening  in CNA news and immediately my phone was swarmed with smses from friends and family asking me what am I doing with Siok Chin.  The next day, my neighbors were telling me they saw me on TV with SDP people and asking me how come I am mixing with SDP people.

Looking back 2 years on, while my 2 ‘bodyguards’ – Ti Lik and E-Jay has pleaded guilty to the protest 3 of us were involved with, I chose to continue on the trial.  Not because I am stubborn, or that I have the the whole world of time to play with them, in contrary, I do at times feel the strain of the trial taking time away from my responsibility aa a mother, and the thought of pleading guilty and just get over and done with is rather tempting.

What keeps me going is none other than my sister in arms – Siok Chin.  She is always my source of strength whenever I am feeling the strain.  As someone who had been through a number of trials and a jail sentence, she is always reassuring and find ways to cheer me up.  On some days when the court adjourn early, she never fail to suggest that we bring my kids out for play which makes my kids so happy.

Now, this sister of mine is yet again jail and this time for 7 days for ‘distributing pamphlets criticizing the PAP Government without a permit’.

If criticizing our government is illegal, then aren’t all opposition parties illegal parties since the basis of opposition is criticizing on government policies they feel strongly about?

In my views, only a incompetent government are afraid to be criticize and will hide behind the judiciary for protection against anyone criticizing.  A competent government will stand up to criticism and refute with facts and not let others do the dirty work of ’silencing critics in the form of arrest, prosecute and jailed.

As I sit here writing this article and feeling sad because I can’t be there for my sister who never failed to be there for me, I feel even sadder for Singaporeans who failed to see the autocratic government they have given mandate to for the past 40 years.  Until Singaporeans wake up and start to see how our government has really been ruling us, Singapore will be in a sad state.

I urge my fellow Singaporeans, even a least interested in politics mother like me, who has been brain washed for the past 30+ years to be apathetic to politics has since been awaken from the slumber, please wake up and see for yourself what has our government being doing to us, our people.  Even when now they are going on damage control, citizens will now come first before PRs, blah blah blah, will it last after they be given the mandate yet again for another term?

I DOUBT SO.

Wake up my fellow Singaporeans, you have a choice, vote the PAP out when the time come for you to cast your votes.

In solidarity with all who had been unjustly and unfairly jailed, prosecuted and persecuted.